I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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