You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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