Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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