He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
