I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
