he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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