He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
