Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
