I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
