I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
