His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
