hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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