i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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