As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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