I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
