was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
