please come you make the beer taste better
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
