I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
