u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
