I can tuck mytits in my pants
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
