There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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