Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
