Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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