he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
