can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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