I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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