Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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