so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
