I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want nice things and good sex
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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