I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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