The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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