we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
