Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
