i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
