I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
