I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
