i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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