Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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