we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
