i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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