I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
