I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
