I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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