He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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