Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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