Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
