plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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