he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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