maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
