Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
