Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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