i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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