I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
