All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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