Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have aggressive nipples.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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