I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
