Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
