You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
