tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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