So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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