So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize