I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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