I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
