Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She announced her abortion via fbk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
