i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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