Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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