I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
