her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
