just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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