we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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