I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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