that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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