i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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