Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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