Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
