thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
