I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
