Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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