hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
