He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
