I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
