i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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