why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
