I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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