After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.