Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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  (970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8
  Replies (86) Good night (1088) Bad night (3811)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"

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  (419): Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?" http://tfl.nu/fz6y
  Replies (26) Good night (1038) Bad night (4571)
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  (845): View more from New York

  maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut

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  (845): maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut http://tfl.nu/29rz
  Replies (14) Good night (3673) Bad night (730)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

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  (845): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore http://tfl.nu/w95h
  Replies (20) Good night (5529) Bad night (1214)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

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  (972): I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were. http://tfl.nu/ckqe
  Replies (53) Good night (1893) Bad night (7161)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

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  (703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q
  Replies (42) Good night (3236) Bad night (5285)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.

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  (443): Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER. http://tfl.nu/iqvs
  Replies (4) Good night (5090) Bad night (927)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.

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  (781): Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave. http://tfl.nu/vplg
  Replies (21) Good night (854) Bad night (5697)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.

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  (804): You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday. http://tfl.nu/ureb
  Replies (5) Good night (1274) Bad night (502)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo

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  (980): Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo http://tfl.nu/82bd
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (422)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think

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  (724): So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think http://tfl.nu/tp1z
  Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (372)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.

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  (253): want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some. http://tfl.nu/g1u1
  Replies (9) Good night (565) Bad night (1576)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.

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  (614): Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars. http://tfl.nu/nben
  Replies (0) Good night (939) Bad night (371)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...

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  (609): You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright... http://tfl.nu/5odl
  Replies (0) Good night (664) Bad night (493)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed

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  (856): I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed http://tfl.nu/01qd
  Replies (3) Good night (185) Bad night (746)

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