Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
