I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.