Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.