I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.