guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test