so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.