Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?