I wish I could teleport
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
