Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
